Hello diary,

This is my second time writing a diary. I want to share my past experience.  I graduated from Master then I started my Ph.D. at Yeditepe University. I took some lessons to reach the qualification part of my Ph.D. While I was studying these lessons, I got bipolar disorder. A most important part of this period was I didn't know I was sick. I had nausea. My brain was thinking much faster than normal. I felt like I appointed by someone to do something. My friends talking about me and I didn't know what was happening to me. I lost my whole circle of friends because of my behaviors weirdness. one day, a group of friends came to talk to me. We sat on a bench and started to argue about my situation. They said that our boss whose name is Fikrettin Şahin ordered to me to go outside of Yeditepe University. Then I said I don't want to go outside the university I have some works to do and I have to finish my job. they repeated order from the boss and if I will not obey the order, they will call security and security will use force me to go outside from the university. at the end of that day, my elder brother( I have two elder brothers) come to university he took my all belongings, we went to our home than. Then I started to realize that I'm sick and I have to do something. I called my other brother and we talked about my sickness. I felt backache and also my mind was chaotic. I'm grateful to my brother he came home and took me. we went to psychiatry clinic which was at Ermeni Hospital. The doctor listened to me I was really nervous because I didn't know what will happen. Later, Doctor said that I will stay one week at the hospital. they also said that they will give me some drugs to recover my mind and body. Thanks to god, after one week all symptoms were gone. Then I had stayed at home about for two weeks some side effects appeared in my body. Solian, which is drug name, showed side effect. Side effect appeared when I sit somewhere and it couldn't end until I started to walk. Again I started to feel nervous, I wasn't happy because of drug's side effects were appeared in my body. I told my family about this side effect. We decided to go to the hospital again. we discussed the situation with the doctor but she didn't understand that those symptoms were side effects. Then the decision made and we decided that we should change our doctor. So, I changed the doctor. He said that drug showed side effects on to my body. I was also walking like a Parkinson patient. He gave me Akineton, a drug, which it removes the side effects of the Solian drug. Then I gave up Solian drug and started to take Prozac drug. But this time Prozac drug made me more talkative and careless person. I wasn't care anything around to me. By the way, I returned to Yeditepe University. My lessons finished and I started to study to qualification part of my Ph.D. Nobody wanted to talk to me at Yeditepe University. I felt alone